Big Ben - London, England
Dr. Milton Erickson, famed psychiatrist and the father of modern clinical hypnosis was asked a question by a medical student. Dr. Erickson was approaching 85, and not in the best of health. "Dr. Erickson, what words of wisdom do you have for those of us who are just starting our clinical careers in psychiatry?" Dr. Erickson responded most seriously, "Well, honestly son, I feel like I'm just beginning to get the hang of it."
For years, I thought he was perhaps just being a bit jocular with the young student. But now, at my age, I think he was dead serious. This is exactly how I feel. As a result, I have never felt more confident, more relaxed, or more effective than I am right now in my clinical practice.
Those of you who know me are aware that I see patients (now called clients) who struggle with life problems that include depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, PTSD, and many who struggle with relationships.
Dr. Irvin Yalom is a vociferous writer of fiction and non-ficton, as well as one of the most successful psychiatrists in the country. He writes in EXISTENTIAL PSYCHOTHERAPY of the four main issues that we all experience as human beings that are inescapable: aloneness, death, meaninglessness and freedom. Rather than going into each one and explaining what he is referring to about each, I will only refer to aloneness.
Not being heard, not feeling seen. having no one there for you - those are the most common experiences I hear from client usually beginning at a very early age. This leads to self-doubt, shame and the development of cognitive errors about ourselves that can plague us the rest of our lives unless we challenge, address, come to terms, resolve, and discover who we truly are.
Feelings over-ride our logical selves, so it doesn't help much to be told that we're okay, that we have value, that we aren't bad, and that we're not alone. I might KNOW that, but for some reason I don't FEEL that. Being told that from well-meaning people doesn't do much good at all. It takes more than that, and I am convinced it takes something much more thorough and in depth to get us to the point where we are truly comfortable in our own skin. I believe psychotherapy can help, but not just any old therapy. Not the kind that insurance companies want us to seek, nor Big Pharma. But in-depth, introspective, emotionally challenging therapy that becomes a corrective emotional experience. It takes time, it is costly but it is worth every cent. And it is a bitch to do. It is exhausting at times. And there is no other way.
But getting to an age where I AM comfortable in my own skin, when everything I do, think or feel is not filtered through guilt and shame is what true serenity is about. It is then that I can be more productive and more effective in being me. This is the path to not happiness, but of being able to face up to the challenges of living, and knowing I can now do that more effectively.